exam over

a real big sigh... Hai... i pull through the exam period... like shit... I did terrible for the last exam, felt a sense of guilt towards my dad for not doing well. December should be the day of reckoning... hai... tried learning guitar yesterday, it was pretty interested. wanted to buy a guitar to learn but when i realise i have to spend my dad money, i gave up. I felt really depress by the exam and the things that happen this pass few weeks... there is a lot of things i cannot do and i can't do... i wanted a change in things happening around me but i feel that things is not going the way i want it to be... i believe in doing good and be good to everyone... but why... why... why can't everyone else be good... i don't expect people to be good to me just because i treat them nicely.. just don't treat me like shit is fine with me... the least i expect from people is a least to be good to other people, be nice, be kind, make a little bit of effort to be nice to someone else... why is it so difficult to do something so simple... i'm furious but what can i do...
Aunty was nice to those student, but why can't they make a wee bit of effort to be nice to her... is it too much to ask from them... i told them aunty was treating them really good and they are very fortunate to be in this house... fuck this shit man... she is already old and she deserve to be treated better...
I think i'm not a good enough person and i try to be better but who am i bluffing, nobody around me is even trying... Everyone is doing sin and i can't deny that fact that i did sin myself... i know sin are hard to control and resist... but least i tried not to and i felt the guilt. Why do people around me not see that they are doing sin and they felt no sense of guilt and i believe that they don't even consider what they did was sin... Why do they not have a bit of moral!
I told people simple things like not killing even a small insect especially to MH... but why the fuck can't it go into their brain and process this information... insect feel pain, they are scared of death and that's why they ran when you try to kill them... you people fear death and pain but why can't you understand this simple fact...the only reason why insect is your house is because you have food and they have to eat... you attracted them... insect is not going to think this is the house of a human and not fly or crawl in there... you fucker set up the trap in your house and kill them...
Another thing, food. animals die because of you and you're telling me that simply because you don't like that food and you going to throw it away... fuck you man! Their death is in vain... they suffer pain and death just to make you full and make you walk for another day... fuck you man!
All life is equal and what set animals apart from us is that we can think... we can think you fuckers... we can make a decision to do a better good, to make other living creature suffer less, to let them live for another day... why can't you people just show a little bit of pity to other living creature and let them live...
i'll wait for you sinners in hell and laugh at you as you suffer... i have no hope in people anymore... i can't stand this shit...