felt a tremendous growth in self in recent days... after i became alone, i felt that i had more strenght to face the problem thrown at me... there is no one else to relay on..

though i miss those days, i miss having someone to coquetry on and, most of all, someone to call dear... i'm afraid you will be hurt, i'm afraid you will not be able to take care of herself, especially when you are so vulnerable now... i don't wish to do this to younow, but my heart felt pain and pressure when i sometimes can't control my emotion... i hate you sometimes but still you are so close to me that i can't do anything... your decision made me angry sometimes, well most of the time, to the point that i my heart felt so painful but i can't do anything about it but to help you... i almost wanted to cry sometimes... i know you are pressured and stress in making those wrong decision, i should had stop you... i don't to feel this way anymore...

I look more forward to the day i'm going to be totally independent and become a stronger person... i won't be dismay so easily by trivia matter, i will have a stronger heart...

If i have can split my heart, i will give the part where i still want to care for you to you... Thank you for being understanding....

Exam finally over, but instead of feeling a sense of relieve, i felt pretty from not studying. Pretty bored this few weeks without studying. Looking for a job with at least $15/hr wage but it is not easy. All the job available is around 10 to 11 or even less, what to do.
Also applied for scholarship for summer research, but sadly today i receive an email that I'm not getting the scholarship. Absolutely deverstated by the refusal... AHHHHH.. WHY!! I waited so long for the reply, i checked my mail box everyday for the letter, only to be disappointed by a simple email which came in so late...
Though i did not receive the scholarship, my lecturer ask me to volunteer for some other research program. It is a good oppuntinity to learn, but to work other student who got the scholarship when i didn't, it doesn't feel good. Going to many places the following week to help collecting data for the research, too bad i would not be participating in analyzing the data.
Min hui is going back nexk week, so fast the time had passed. It's been 2 years since i've been here. Still don't like this place, boring and expensive living expanses. FUCK BRISBANE!!

Yesterday my gf pointed out something to me which i realised was something that i needed to hear. She told me i was running away from my problem and it is true. I am running, i don't want to face it. But after hearing it from her 就有如一言惊醒梦中人... it really does. There are some problem i must face now, and i will slowly handle them one at a time. For the big one, i just have to take my time to see through it. i hope i have the courage to face it, the wisdom to solve and the determination to complete it. There are many obstacle that i must face, mainly from within me. Obstacle only i will know... i sincerely pray that i go through it. Even though my gf obstacle is much tougher than mine and she face it nonetheless, i am still afraid. Hope i have her courage, hope i have her strength. There are things that i know, which i was afraid to say it out and face it. God! Buddha! i need help!

it's been a really long time since i updated my post so here goes.

For the past few days brisbane has been experiencing heat wave causing the temperture to shot to 34 degree and breaking the temperture record for august. It meant nothing to me but only reminds me a little bit of home. Last night, the heat wave suddenly decide to pack up and leave, and so the temperture suddenly drops to only 5 degree. I kept my quilt because of the warm weather and i freeze my ass off last night with only a thin blanket.
been trying hard to keep up with my progress with school work, still slow but i think i'm making some progress. Hopefully i can finish all my assignment in time. Sai bia is coming next week and it feels fantastic that my secretary is finally going to come. hur hur hur. She can help me with my assignment! i'll be free for 4 days when she arrive, wonder where should i bring her to. I wanted to go to sydney but i don't think 4 days isn't enough. Maybe sunshine coast but the place is pretty boring. I'll decide what to do when she arrive. Recently also saw a video of Julius, he is so cute! He is like the cutest toddler in the world! Miss my family and Julius.
Had been waking 6 or 7 in the morning to use the internet lately and it really made me feel tired during the day. But i'm still hanging on.
Recently also had a problem of deciding what to cook for my daily meals. It's such a hassle to decide what to eat, to buy ingredient, and to cook. Especailly when you want to eat something and you don't have the ingredient, the ingredient is expensive and you are not sure how to cook it or whether you are going to cook it the way it should taste like. Miss my mum cooking. Hope when sai bia arrive she can cook something nice for me. Fingers cross...
in 2 more weeks that's going to be a overnight field trip to moreton island, sadly not for vacation but to count freaking birds. Excited and nervous at the same time because it's been a long time since i went camping, really really long time! Think i have to buy a sleeping bag or something.

hungry

i been eating a lot ever since aunty stop cooking... i ate even more near to exam period...
had oat meal for breakfast, chips and a bowl of bake beans for lunch, plate of fried rice and noodle with lots of ingredient for dinner... and i just ate an orange... feel so bloated at the moment...
hope i won't gain too much weight after the exam... going to hit the gym after exam... time to keep in shape!

winter

winter is here...
the chills...
the freezing wind...
the unforgiving night...
luckily i have the heater!!

Finally went back to my routine of gym, grocery and slacking at home. after submitted the last assignment felt so relieved...
went to the gym with hui today... did some running and a little bit of weight lifting... a little bit...
after went to market square to buy grocery... i bought 6 cans of baked beans... haha... i love beans...
there is cheesy cheese, tomato, bbq and ham flavour... it goes well with rice...
went to 3 mobile shop... look at the plan... intend to sign up and get a free phone... will go back tml..
Terminator 4 is out tml... maybe watching it, maybe not...

My assignment is killing me... it seems so easy but when it comes to doing it, i simply can't start... fuck!! Not going to sleep tonight again, all for the sake of assignment. Maybe i will take MC for tml...

Buddha birthday festival

Last saturday was buddha birthday. A 3 days celebration was held. I volunteered for a dollar a wish section, it was fun except for the standing in the hot sun for serveral hours part. Lots of people were there and a lot of money were donated. Ater the festival was over, we went to a dim sum for supper. It is really good man the dim sum...

一元一愿section

zhao jie with glow stick($3)

佛光山协会shirt

the lanturns at night

cold autumn

7.28 in the moring now... preparing for school... today going to meet up with friends for lunch...
don't know what is eat because i'm eating vegetarian this week for vesak day...
volunteering for the event as well... super busy this week...
2 nights ago was very cold... 10 degree
definitly felt the winter coming...
having so much headache with moble now.. wanted to change the plan so i can call home more often but just couldn't find a good one...
what to do... wish i could be more resourceful... my new year resolution, haven't comlpete a single one of it.. hahahaha... will work hard during winter holiday...

it's been a month since i updated my blog...
nothing much as happen since i arrived in brisbane...
study, go to school, eat at home, shit at home.
a lot of assignment and practical to do but i seems to be procrastinating a lot...
going to temple tml with my friend to pray pray for my dad and family...
can hear police car chasing another car on the main road... seems serious...
few week ago fallen sick... guess i haven't gotten use to the weather at that time...
few days ago there is a cyclon along the coast of eastern australia... the sky is dark for weeks man...
a the wind is blowing like mad.... i wish the cyclone can move inland and let me have a look... never seen it before....
every morning have the trouble of waking up... always have body ache...
sign up for a job at grffin uni but only went there once...
I should go tml after i go temple...
Time to continue to study liao...

waiting for the flight to brisbane

went to look around darwin and i finally got my wish of riding the scooter!! YEAH! it was so fun that i did not want to get off the scooter to look at the scenary. Got a major sunburn because of it. The feel of the wind blowing against you face, making the sharp turn, accelerate ahead of other cars.... it's a wonderful feeling... Other than the fantastic bike riding experience, i got nothing to say about darwin. it's small, there is nothing to buy and the food is just as expensive as brisbane and just as bad.

darwin version of queens street mall

darwin airport

i'm at darwin international airport right now waiting for the shuttle bus to the city to come. I am so tired right now, didn't get to sleep during the flight. Took a half an hour nap at the airport couch just now but was too worried about the money in my bag to sleep well. My plan was rent a scooter and get to the city by myself but what i didn't know was that i can only get the scooter in the city... damn... had one sandwich and hot chocolate for breakfast... cost me $10+... and its not that fantastic... another hour to go till the bus come.. have to continue to wait...

Blog fill with spider web

It's been a long time since i updated my blog. Been so lazy to do anything pass these 2 months. First of all Happy chinese new year to everyone! Hope global economic crisis doesn't dampen the spirit of chinese new year. My trip back to malaysia for chinese was a interesting one. Discover another side of my that that i had been keeping inside me for a long time.... damn getting lazy again... not sure i can finish writing this blog.
One thing about ipoh is that it never changes, every year when i go back. Sad nontheless but was still relieve that there is still one place not affected by the outside world changes. Played some major fire work this year. My dad spend thousands on the fire cracker only to be burn off in within 2 hrs. Hahaha what a way to waste money.
Will be going back to Australia in 2 weeks time. Hope i won't procrastinate for this 2 weeks and get necessary things done as soon as possible.

Things i want to achieve for 2009

1) Visit Sydney, Melbourne and Carins
2) Learn to surf
3) Get at least a overall Gpa 6 for first semester
4) Pick up Guitar
5) Reduce my weight to 63kg

Hope i can accomplish all these goal, might have more things i want to achieve but that's it for now

Money root of all evil

Recently went back to malaysia to visit my sick grandmother and during this trip i realise just how ugly people can be when money is put in their face. My family story is like those typically hong kong tvbs drama. With a evil uncle and aunt whom destroy the family happiness for money. Hai...
People! money can't bring happiness and taking happniess away from others because of money is the worse thing you could ever do.

i'm sorry

i hate people with no moral but it turn out i am the one with no moral. I try to make everyone happy, as it turns out i was wrong. I am sorry. I told you that my moral is weighting heavily on me, i also wanted to tell you how i feel and how i tried to be right. I am sorry. i didn't mean to hurt you, i want you to be happy and not sad. i didn't want to hurt you so i didn't tell.

nothing to do

It's in the middle of the night almost 5.30 am and i'm still not asleep... don't know what to do now, kind of hoping the school might start now to quickly finish my degree.. Later in the afternoon might be going to jb with my brother and cousin... but feel so sian now so i might not be going... Did some updating in my facebook just now, uploaded a few pictures i took in sunshine coast..;

exam over

a real big sigh... Hai... i pull through the exam period... like shit... I did terrible for the last exam, felt a sense of guilt towards my dad for not doing well. December should be the day of reckoning... hai... tried learning guitar yesterday, it was pretty interested. wanted to buy a guitar to learn but when i realise i have to spend my dad money, i gave up. I felt really depress by the exam and the things that happen this pass few weeks... there is a lot of things i cannot do and i can't do... i wanted a change in things happening around me but i feel that things is not going the way i want it to be... i believe in doing good and be good to everyone... but why... why... why can't everyone else be good... i don't expect people to be good to me just because i treat them nicely.. just don't treat me like shit is fine with me... the least i expect from people is a least to be good to other people, be nice, be kind, make a little bit of effort to be nice to someone else... why is it so difficult to do something so simple... i'm furious but what can i do...
Aunty was nice to those student, but why can't they make a wee bit of effort to be nice to her... is it too much to ask from them... i told them aunty was treating them really good and they are very fortunate to be in this house... fuck this shit man... she is already old and she deserve to be treated better...
I think i'm not a good enough person and i try to be better but who am i bluffing, nobody around me is even trying... Everyone is doing sin and i can't deny that fact that i did sin myself... i know sin are hard to control and resist... but least i tried not to and i felt the guilt. Why do people around me not see that they are doing sin and they felt no sense of guilt and i believe that they don't even consider what they did was sin... Why do they not have a bit of moral!
I told people simple things like not killing even a small insect especially to MH... but why the fuck can't it go into their brain and process this information... insect feel pain, they are scared of death and that's why they ran when you try to kill them... you people fear death and pain but why can't you understand this simple fact...the only reason why insect is your house is because you have food and they have to eat... you attracted them... insect is not going to think this is the house of a human and not fly or crawl in there... you fucker set up the trap in your house and kill them...
Another thing, food. animals die because of you and you're telling me that simply because you don't like that food and you going to throw it away... fuck you man! Their death is in vain... they suffer pain and death just to make you full and make you walk for another day... fuck you man!
All life is equal and what set animals apart from us is that we can think... we can think you fuckers... we can make a decision to do a better good, to make other living creature suffer less, to let them live for another day... why can't you people just show a little bit of pity to other living creature and let them live...
i'll wait for you sinners in hell and laugh at you as you suffer... i have no hope in people anymore... i can't stand this shit...

Did a few photo of myself using a website call photofunia.