felt a tremendous growth in self in recent days... after i became alone, i felt that i had more strenght to face the problem thrown at me... there is no one else to relay on..

though i miss those days, i miss having someone to coquetry on and, most of all, someone to call dear... i'm afraid you will be hurt, i'm afraid you will not be able to take care of herself, especially when you are so vulnerable now... i don't wish to do this to younow, but my heart felt pain and pressure when i sometimes can't control my emotion... i hate you sometimes but still you are so close to me that i can't do anything... your decision made me angry sometimes, well most of the time, to the point that i my heart felt so painful but i can't do anything about it but to help you... i almost wanted to cry sometimes... i know you are pressured and stress in making those wrong decision, i should had stop you... i don't to feel this way anymore...

I look more forward to the day i'm going to be totally independent and become a stronger person... i won't be dismay so easily by trivia matter, i will have a stronger heart...

If i have can split my heart, i will give the part where i still want to care for you to you... Thank you for being understanding....

Exam finally over, but instead of feeling a sense of relieve, i felt pretty from not studying. Pretty bored this few weeks without studying. Looking for a job with at least $15/hr wage but it is not easy. All the job available is around 10 to 11 or even less, what to do.
Also applied for scholarship for summer research, but sadly today i receive an email that I'm not getting the scholarship. Absolutely deverstated by the refusal... AHHHHH.. WHY!! I waited so long for the reply, i checked my mail box everyday for the letter, only to be disappointed by a simple email which came in so late...
Though i did not receive the scholarship, my lecturer ask me to volunteer for some other research program. It is a good oppuntinity to learn, but to work other student who got the scholarship when i didn't, it doesn't feel good. Going to many places the following week to help collecting data for the research, too bad i would not be participating in analyzing the data.
Min hui is going back nexk week, so fast the time had passed. It's been 2 years since i've been here. Still don't like this place, boring and expensive living expanses. FUCK BRISBANE!!

Yesterday my gf pointed out something to me which i realised was something that i needed to hear. She told me i was running away from my problem and it is true. I am running, i don't want to face it. But after hearing it from her 就有如一言惊醒梦中人... it really does. There are some problem i must face now, and i will slowly handle them one at a time. For the big one, i just have to take my time to see through it. i hope i have the courage to face it, the wisdom to solve and the determination to complete it. There are many obstacle that i must face, mainly from within me. Obstacle only i will know... i sincerely pray that i go through it. Even though my gf obstacle is much tougher than mine and she face it nonetheless, i am still afraid. Hope i have her courage, hope i have her strength. There are things that i know, which i was afraid to say it out and face it. God! Buddha! i need help!